this bit of writing today, as i was sitting, alone (again) in my hotel room, mind wandering a bit due to the lack of sleep (a), and the adjustment to a new time zone (b), and whilst perusing my files that are cloud based, this was one of the documents i found.

it was written a few years ago, almost 4 to be precise, and while not all of it can be said to pertain to my current state of tenuous existence, i think the majority of it still holds some truth.

anyhow, here it is, unabridged, and unedited for you to read, glance over, or dismiss entirely.

as always, i bid you, until i see you again,

peace.

I am a complicated man, yet I am absurdly simple. I am calm yet filled with inexplicable rage.

There are demons inside me, buried but raising their snouts to the surface now and again, yet, my soul is empty with no overriding passion except for music, food and learning as much as I can about whatever it is I am thinking about.

My life, such as it has been, was, is, one of tremendous highs and Dante levels of hell lows. And right now, I am evolving into something, or someone, that I can’t see yet, but I know that he is there.

I am writing all of this not to elicit or evoke empathetic or sympathetic feelings, nor am I seeking counsel, only as an explanation as to why I need to be gone, at least for a good while, until this evolution takes better hold and I can be clear in my mind, what it is that I am supposed to be.

I care about who I care about, and generally do not put myself to the forefront of anything. It is how I am wired, me and Amos, and 58 years of this has made changing an onerous prospect.

Special, I am not. An apologist for my abilities neither am I. I do what I do, and that is all I know to do.

I need to not be here. This is my time to go away from everything that I knew, and re-craft my existence and forge a new path to follow. I know that this sounds melodramatic, but it is quite the truth. My coming back to Canada changed me, and not, I would argue, for the best. So, an alteration of existence needs to be effected.

Read once that a character was like a wild person who stumbled into civilization and cannot find their way back to the wilderness. That, to a point, sums me up. I found myself in some sort of complacent existence, that wasn’t me, and I am struggling to find my way back to the road that I was on. Perhaps to meet myself along the way, to make amends, and then continue the journey.

Thank you, for being you. A good egg as it were. An amazing friend. A shoulder when I needed it, and a sharer of passions.

Keep the faith. Stay strong as I know you will. You are truly, good people.

kevin