start this, but it may go unfinished. or at least not written to the point where an ending makes any sense. forgive me in advance for that…

a movie, ‘Genius’. about a man named Thomas Wolfe. No, i have not read him, and i have been remiss in not doing so. No, i have not finished watching the movie, barely a scant 5 minutes or so into it, but the necessity to write grabbed hold of me so forcefully that hitting pause and coming here, to this medium, to you, seemed the only logical course of action. especially since the one quote that i read from this author,  “If a man has a talent and cannot use it, he has failed. If he has a talent and uses only half of it, he has partly failed. If he has talent and learns somehow to use the whole of it, he has gloriously succeeded” amongst other words of incredible wisdom, some of which i will elucidate later in this tome. at least, i hope to at any rate.

if a man has talent. coming from the late 20’s, the 1920’s that is, one could be forgiven for not saying ‘person’ or ‘human’, but i am a proponent of being historically correct even if i am not by and large 21st century ‘woke’ (whatever the hell that is, stupid republican fucking moron’s term) by any meaning of the word.

i had, have, talent. this i know. realization, FULL realization of which came so late in life so as to largely preclude any capitalization of said alleged talent.

have i used this talent. reading the aforementioned a resounding NO would be the answer Alex, so, by Thomas W’s estimation, i have indeed, failed.

the question remains however, if i have used any of it. even a portion of it to elevate my status as an abject failure to perhaps a partial one, or an almost not one, but not quite a success.

how does one rate themselves as failure or success. a jury of their peers? by their circle (in my case, a dot) of friends? by their family? i would argue that this is all purely subjective, but the quandary remains, have i failed. have i utilized those gifts god given or otherwise, to the best of my abilities, therefore making me, at least partially, not a failure.

Mr Wolfe also wrote this “I don’t know yet what I am capable of doing, but, by God, I have genius — I know it too well to blush behind it. ” I know I am TW, but i do not sound the trumpet, because as you also wrote, “Make your mistakes, take your chances, look silly, but keep on going. Don’t freeze up.”, i have made myriad mistakes. I have taken chances, i have looked, and been made to look, silly, i have frozen up, but Dear T Wolfe, i have kept going.

Does that now alleviate some of my failure? I would argue that yes, perhaps i have risen to a higher, not lower, level of the circles that fair Dante created. But as my summer turns to fall, the fuel in my balloon grows less and less, and my time to show that i am not perhaps, a complete failure grows dimmer with the passing years.

Mr Wolfe also coined the term ‘you can’t go home again’. Those words were part of a longer paragraph, but in essence, no, you cannot. The Velveeta doesn’t taste the same as it did when you were a kid. The Big Macs are smaller, and no longer 35 cents, the loaf of bread is smaller and costs a lot more, and your childhood home is now a convenience store. You can’t go home Oatman, but I guess you can shop there. (Grosse Pointe Blank for reference)

As i stated when i started, i knew i had to begin this, but wasn’t sure i could finish it in any start at the beginning end at the end sort of fashion, however, start it i did, and finish it, well, after a fashion.

Look at your lives with the clarity of the ancient oracles. Take into account who you have helped, and whose lives you have provided some positive impact on, and always even though missteps and miscues are made, look silly, but use your talents and rise up above the idea that you have failed.

Life is, life is, as i have originally coined as a phrase, just keep on going with it, as it goes on with or without your approval.

As always dear reader, I bid you,

Peace.