my life changing, the other day, in a matter of weeks, then months, then just about 2 years. well, the last year would be more of a ‘yeah, i don’t really care about this anymore’ year, but whatever the case, my life, such as it is, is going to be altered, again.

to be honest, my life, most likely should have ended, several times in the past, not least of which was having a heart attack, or several (didn’t know), lo these five years ago. also, at various points of my colourful at times, and varied existence on this planet we call Earth, i, in all probability, should have perished. leaving behind, depending on the timing of the event, a legacy that went from a nothingburger, to a new father, to a parttime caregiver to well, just me.

huh. spell check likes nothingburger, but doesn’t like colourful. fucking americans.

anyhow, here i am, on the cusp of yet another set of alterations to my path, well, yes, ok, my path, and i am not entirely sure what i feel about it.

on one hand, i’m excited for what these are about to bring about. an ease of my daily life, a security of sorts, with what i need to do, and how i will do it, and yet, on the other hand, i have five fingers. LOL. well, four and a thumb, but you take my point.

no, all jesting aside, on the other hand, i have sort of an unknown looming before me. unknown in the sense that, while these changes are going to bring, among other things, a serious financial security to my life, and perhaps, some of those around me, the path(s) i want to tread down, for the most part, aren’t clear.

i do know who and what i will take care of, when the time is right, not the least of which is my son (not his mother, not on your aunt annies fanny), my oldest friend, probably my first wife, some charitable organizations, and a few other things. but, that’s small compared to what i think i will want to do.

lost almost 10kg by the by, so if nothing else, i do have that going for me at the moment.

at any rate, this post isn’t about ‘hey, i’m going to be something or other’ more that i wanted a follow up to what i wrote the other day.

will i still get ‘asks’? yeah, i am sure those will never stop. will i give in to my ‘niceness’? no. i don’t think i will. like i penned the other day, those days are over. take that how you want it, and you can call me any number of names, phrases, etc. as you want, but i have given, and given in for far too long, at too great a cost to my own well being, and that had to stop. and stop it has.

yes, ok, there are a few of you, that i will still see my way clear to help on occasion, but for the most part, the banks doors are closed, and the gone out of business sign has been hung in the window.

other than all of the above, i am actually excited to see what the next two years will bring. i have a list of things that i want to accomplish, and i know, based on some high level conversations that i have had, myriad other projects will show up. my feeling anyhow.

personally i want to keep on my dietary journey, and get to a point where i know that i will be comfortable with being there, and get into a bit better shape. do some travelling, but travel for me, not for work, or for others. i want a home. not a flat, a house. well, it might be a flat, but a much larger one, and one that i own.

a circle of friends perhaps, but not really a necessity, as i know enough people, and if i don’t have a raucous social life, then i don’t. being alone, whilst not ideal, isn’t something that is onerous to me. it either is, or it isn’t. either way, i can find enough to do. almost 800 books will keep me busy i’m sure. LOL.

all i do know is that i’m going to start, or at least try to start, being more selfish. more ‘me centric’ if that is a phrase. for too long i’ve let things go that weren’t on my agenda, and acquiesced to the timings, and plans of others, and now, in the early winter of my life, and about damn time, i’m going to revert to my halcyon days of youth where i did what i did, and damn the torpedoes.

how are you guys by the way? everyone safe? healthy? life treating you as it should? i hope so, from the bottom of my size 10’s (44 in EU). the world, it seems, has given in to the madness that is the leader of the morons to the south of me, and who knows not what the next year will bring, but the next 10 minutes. this guy is off his nut.

but, not here to write about the mind of a madman, who is really just a 5 year old on the playground taking his ball and going home.

a good day today. an off day from my schedule, and one that i am enjoying immensely. back at it tomorrow though, and with that, another week of doing what i do beckons.

so, with that thought, and the thought of what i need to do in the next little while, i will, as always, hope that you and yours are not in any areas of conflict,

and, as always,

i bid you,

peace.