interesting day.

within the space of a few hours, i got not one, but three messages based on me sending money to people. now, that in and of itself isn’t that remarkable, but the timing was funny. oh, and a cryptic ‘hey’ email too, which i would suspect was a prelude to, if i answered it, asking for money as well. (addendum, it was…LOL) and no, i didn’t answer it

at any rate, one message was telling me of a ‘plan’ to find some money, meaning, i need money, please swoop in and save me. the other was, i need groceries and money to pay my power bill, and the third was a long written message telling me that the job was lost due to the company shutting down with no notice, and ‘how will i feed my kid?? i’ve not stopped crying’.

now, sure, the last one tugs on your heartstrings, it does, but again, people seem to think that i am this unlimited source of money that is to be sent anytime someone says ‘i’m stressed, you have to, YOU have to save me’.

huh.

no.

even when things change, in about 4 weeks, and then 25 weeks after that, and then 24-32 weeks after that, am i going down the road of saviour again. not that i am heartless, well, yes, i am, but that’s another kettle of popcorn, but the days of me coming to the rescue, of people i don’t really even know, are over. done. dusted. and put out with the recycling.

when i moved, just over a year ago, i left a small town, where i had people who knew me, neighbours who were pretty cool for the most part, and a routine, albeit somewhat boring. well, until i started my journey into being more present in my parents’ lives that is.

i came to the ‘big city’. people still know me. my routines have changed, and became events and dates driven. and while i do enjoy things like that, it became too much. too many people were grasping on to my largesse, and it made me lose sight of me. mea maxima culpa though, as i let this happen, going with the flow as it were, but no matter the genesis of the problem, a problem it became.

so, i left my world behind, changed my #, and walked away to go to the other side of the world, and just immerse myself into work. i started a diet, started paying attention to what i was eating, and i started to walk more. so far it is paying off. i’ve lost almost 10kg, 22 or so pounds for you imperial measure folks with more to go. i feel better, but not 100%, so on i go with my journey.

do i miss that world, that high fashion, drink champagne while you shop for two thousand dollar cashmere sweaters? well, yes. and no. i miss the champagne. LOL. i mean, who wouldn’t? and i do miss seeing my sales associates whom i very much like. but do i miss the environment as a whole? no. i’ve got a bunch of drawers full of clothes that i forgot i had. a closet full of thousand dollar shirts that i haven’t worn, and pairs of shoes that are still untouched by both my feet and the ground.

it’s been mentioned, by more than one person, that they love seeing me in my ‘element’. i’ve been told that i’m personable (debatable), that i bring energy into my time spent with them, and that generally i’m just a nice guy. thank you, but i’m just who i am. not a lot of thought goes into it.

i was even told, by my favourite server, at probably my favourite restaurant, that when the staff knows that i am coming in, the vibe changes. huh. whatever that means, but i’m thinking that it’s a good thing. again, i just do what i do. that’s all.

but back to the original topic of this post today. not a new thought, nor one that i perceive will ever go away, but those three messages, two hinting at, one blatant, speak to again, people think that i am a bank, and that in times of trouble, i am going to swoop in and save the day.

as far as i know, i don’t have a large S on my chest, nor do i have a red cape or theme music. ok, i’m Tony Stark just without the cool red and gold suit, but that is another story, for another time.

no swooping will be done. not today, not tomorrow (which by the way, is always today) and not in the future. my days as a personal saviour are over. until the day that i’m comfortable enough with being back in the world that i left at any rate.

so, as always, i hope that you and yours aren’t in any place of conflict, and

as always,

i bid you,

peace