have it all figured out as to why i choose? tend? to be alone during this time of year. yes, ok, i deplore the commercialism, and the, give me give me atmosphere of it all, but, sitting here, alone, it came to me.

it is the sense of karma that the world has, and it’s paying me back for not wanting to be social, or holly jolly at this time of year, for so, so, so many years in the past.

my mom, bless her and may she rest in peace, (or as peaceful as it can get with my Dad around, LOL) loved this time of year. i mean, she would actually come in and wake us up to go down and get into our stockings for pete’s sake. (not sure who Pete is, but i thank him for the use).

My Dad was the same, at least i think he was. and, to be fair, i probably was at one point in my childhood. well, i’ve been told i had a childhood, although evidence of that is now fairly scarce and suppressed for the most part.

no, i am alone because it’s payback. LOL. i have offers every year to spend the day with others, and i politely decline or make up an excuse to not be in the presence of others. i traipse off to other countries, or just plain old shut off for a few days. misanthropic of me, no?

but now, well, next year at any rate, that might change. no, it will change. the kitchen will be redolent with the scents of a seasonal repast, the air will be filled with the sounds of Christmas music coming from the old Victrola, and love, and closeness, and peace, will be all around.

no, my heart didn’t grow three sizes, and i haven’t been visited by the three ghosts, but my life has changed, and the journey that i embarked on, lo these many years ago, will no longer be a solitary one.

warmest wishes to you, and everyone you care about, and again, i hope you are all healthy, and safe, and not in any areas of conflict.

and, as always, i bid you,

peace.