My Dad passed away a year ago… today actually.

My feelings are mixed when diving into this subject. I miss him. Do I miss him every day? I would be lying if I said yes. I don’t. Is that bad? I don’t know. I miss my mom too. Every day? Again. No. But they are in my heart. And will be until the day I die.

My life with them was complicated, as alluded to on here, several times if I’m not mistaken. The last years though, saw me, perhaps, grow as a person, a son, and a man.

Have I made them proud since they passed? No, probably not, although I would like to think that some of my actions had them thinking of me proudly.

A song came to mind today, by Eminem, called Walk on Water. The lyrics really speak to me, and some of them I can directly relate to.

Why, are expectations so high?
Is it the bar I set?
My arms, I stretch, but I can’t reach
A far cry from it, or it’s in my grasp, but as
Soon as I grab, squeeze
I lose my grip like the flying trapeze
Into the dark, I plummet
Now the sky’s blackening, I know the mark’s high
Butter-flies rip apart my stomach
Knowing that no matter what bars I come with
You’re gonna hark, gripe, and that’s a hard Vicodin to swallow
So I scrap these, as pressure increases, like khakis
I feel the ice cracking

My life. My own personal demons.

I have written about this in the past I am sure, that a friend with whom I am no longer in contact with, told me that I set my own bar so high that I have a hard time living up to me, and that people around me, at times, struggle to live up to me, living up to me.

Anyhow, life is, life is. You know?

I do miss you Dad, and of course you too Mom. My life is just not the same without you being there, even if it was as it was when you were alive the last few years.

I’m sorry for all the disappointments, and the failures.

But, I’m trying to get better.

My love, forever and always,

Your son,

Peace.